Author: Jonathan Frei

A Primer on Dream Recall

Each night I sleep between seven and eight hours. Out of 24 that is one third of my day. I never feel like I have enough time in a day to do all the things I want, and so much of my time is eaten up by sleeping. Its seems like such a waste. But it doesn’t have to be.

Every night, the body goes through several distinct stages of sleep. These stages are divided between rapid eye movement sleep (REM) and three stages of non-rapid eye movement sleep (NREM). The body goes through several cycles of this. The phases vary in length but as the body has been asleep longer the third phase of NREM lengthens and the REM phases become closer together. It is during the REM phase where dreams occur. REM sleep takes up 20 to 25 percent of each night’s sleep or about 90 to 120 minutes. Now this phase usually occurs several times per night, and within each phase the brain weaves intricate plots and unique worlds which we sometimes remember as dreams.

Most mornings I wake up remembering only scattered fragments of my dreams, and by breakfast they have mostly evaporated into nothingness. Effectively, on a daily basis, I forget one third of everything that happens to me. Based on this, I feel it would be very worth while to remember what happens at night.

Dream recall is a learnable skill, and below are a few quick pointers on how to get started:

1. Get enough sleep

Without dedicating enough hours to sleep, it will be nearly impossible to find the dedication it takes to remember what happened between bed time and morning. It is much easier to remember your dreams when you go to bed before you’re completely exhausted, and stay in bed until you’ve had adequate rest. Different people need different amounts of sleep, but chances are that if you hate mornings, you’re not getting enough sleep.

2. Journal

Typically, the bits of dreams that you remember naturally are most vivid immediately upon awakening. This is the prime time to capture as many of those thought and visions as possible and get them down on paper. The longer you wait, the foggier the memories will become until they’ve evaporated into nothing. You’ll be surprised how many details you’ll be able to remember after doing this for a few weeks. Also, reading over your journal days or weeks after the entry can provide some pretty good, albeit weird, reading.

One trick to dream journaling is to write the dream backwards. First, write down the last thing you remember happening before you woke up. Then ask yourself, what was I doing before that? Repeat this as many times as you’re able and you’ll find a much bigger picture come into focus. After a few nights of this, you’ll be surprised how many vivid details you’re able to remember in the process. There will be details you didn’t think of when you woke up, that will be as clear as anything that happens in the day time.
Pen and paper is the best medium for keeping a dream journal. There are far less distractions than if you were to use a computer. Also, with pen and paper, you’ll be able to start and write a few lines immediately upon waking up, without even turning the light on or getting out of bed. Even if you wake up earlier than you have to, try to jot down a few notes about what you remember before going back to sleep. Chances are, after doing that the remaining sleep you get will be filled with even more vivid dreams.

3. Tell yourself you will remember your dreams

Really, you have to want it. The power of suggestion is such a powerful tool. It seems cliche, but telling yourself you will remember your dreams will actually help you remember them. Telling yourself things to make them happen only really works when the desired outcomes are in your head. Dreams and memories are both in your head, so this is why it works.

The best time for this self motivating talk is as you are laying in bed, falling asleep. Let you last thoughts of the day be of hopeful anticipation of the adventures you will have at night with a firm will to remember all that happens between going to sleep and waking up. So many wonderful things go on in your head in those hours that it is a shame to let them go to waste.

4. Talking to someone about your dreams

This will only work if you have someone in your life that you’re completely comfortable sharing your most intimate thoughts with. I’m fortunate enough to have that person in my life… My four month old is a great listener, and he doesn’t judge me for the things I say.

I’ll probably start working on this with my wife as well, especially if I can convince her to join me in working on dream recall together. I’m not prepared to be the only one talking about my dreams on a daily basis, but if she’ll join me then we’ll be good to go, provided I can prevent myself from making fun of whatever goofy things she might dream about.

5. Don’t try too hard, make sure to have fun with it

Developing this skill may take time and dedication, or it may come naturally and you’ll enjoy the benefits right away. But whatever the case may be, have fun and enjoy it. Thinking about it too hard won’t help and may even prove counter productive, but excited anticipation of all the wonderful things you might see in and do at night will, hopefully, motivate you to follow through on the initial pointers and develop this skill.

Dream recall is really just the first step. There is much more to do to build on this initial skill, such as lucid dreaming. However, by developing this skill alone you can effectively add a third of the time to your life. Enjoy it. And thank me for adding one third to your life.

by Jonathan Frei

Debt is a Heavy Load

Large, unexpected bills, are worse when they come due all at once. Even though I have the money stored away, it is still stressful to know I’ll have to part with so much of it so quickly.

I’m not sure I’m ready to be a grown up just yet. The weight of responsibility sometimes seems more than I can hold. But I am an adult now, and I have three people, including myself, counting on me. Now is no time for weakness. Now is no time to falter or back down.

I’ll take care of the bill. Pay it and it will be over. Peace will follow.

I am now determined to pay off all the rest of my debts. I still have two car loans, a furniture loan, and my school loans. It is a lot, and it will take hard work and sacrifice to make it happen, but the freedom that will come with unburdening myself and my family will make it all worth while.

The plan is simple. Take care of the hospital bill. Pay off my car. Pay off my wife’s car. Pay the furniture bill. Pay off my school loans. That’s it. That’s all of it. Oh, also, make sure we are well insured to protect against financial hardship.

There are plenty of personal finance blogs out there offering advice on how to accomplish those goals, so I don’t feel the need to elaborate on the how’s of my situation. I only know that it is a necessary task and that the rewards will be so great and so worth while. I am thankful for the wonderful gifts I’ve received.

by Jonathan Frei

Distractions are Good


Distractions are the undoing of any effective time management scheme, right? They are bad and should be avoided at all costs. They should be stomped out. I am about to unwind this conventional wisdom that I’ve displayed in a straw-man argument.

Distractions do not need to be bad. They don’t even need to be kept under close scrutiny. Distractions can be the source of inspiration and creativity.

I don’t feel any need to point out the fact that I am easily distracted. I easily stumble out of what I should be doing into unneeded activity that does not move me any closer towards checking off any of the items on my to-do list.

That’s not the reason I’m looking for an alternative. I didn’t just decide that maybe distractions are good since I’ve failed to successfully avoid them.

However, I think I have discovered that each distraction is really just an attempt to avoid work. Now, this work can be my day job or any other task I set myself to accomplish. But why? Why such an effort to avoid what I actually want to be doing?

The reason I get distracted is because my brain needs a break. This avoidance provides a valuable reset function in my mind. Without distractions, I feel I would tire of my tasks much more quickly than if I indulge myself on occasion.

I don’t want to learn to avoid distractions, though. I feel and un-distracted life would be one without surprises. How many great ideas, inspirations, and moments of joy have been part of a distraction. Too much focus is a bad thing to have if it prevents the enjoyment of spontaneity.

By allowing my mind to wonder freely, I’m able to live in the moment, and experience life as it reveals itself.

Do I get less done? Sometimes. Okay, yes. But the method is acceptable.

by Jonathan Frei

Don’t Wait to Start

That big idea always strikes unexpectedly and with little warning. There is a flash of inspiration and the burning desire to act.


Recently, I had the inspiration to start this blog. It emerged from my memories of how I loved to write in high school and college. In high school I fancied myself a poet, and that continued through college, where I majored in writing. As a newspaper reporter, I felt right at home writing every day for a living.


Then I stopped. Apart from the occasional paper in grad school, I wrote almost nothing.
And now I’ve started again.


However, I’ve had to start again gradually. My day-to-day schedule is no longer that of a high school student and even less that of a college student.


I can’t drop everything in my life to follow on this urge. But I shouldn’t put it off.


The most important thing to do in a situation like this is to just start. Rather than sitting around and thinking about it, or even going through a detailed and scrupulous planning process, just start.


The details will come as they do and muddy up the original vision. This doesn’t have to halt or even change the original intention.


When you have an idea, act on it quickly before the initial excitement and passion gets drowned out by every excuse that arises.
by Jonathan Frei

Binary Happiness

For all that is out there in writing and speeches about the secret to happiness, and for all the time, effort, and energy spent on its pursuit, I don’t know that the question, “How do I know when I’m happy?” has been adequately discussed.
This is a dangerous question to ask. If, after reflection and some introspective moments, I find that the answer is no, I’ll realize that I need to make some changes in my life to continue the chase. However, the real danger in this question lies in another answer: Yes.

If the question is “Am I happy?” and my answer is “Yes.” what then? Is the chase over? Is it now all about just fighting to keep what I have? Maybe. But answering yes to that universal human pursuit does not mean the pursuit has to be over.

Another scary answer would be “Well, I used to be?” This cryptic answer reveals, or at least implies, a loss of some sort. I don’t think I used to be happy, and I’m pretty sure I’m happy now.
However, I don’t think it’s a simple binary equation. That’s the difference between people and computers. There is never a simple off/on answer.
I think I’m happier now than I’ve every been, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road or that it’s all down hill from here. Every day is an opportunity to grow and become more of what I know I can and should be. That makes me closer, but I plan to never arrive and be finished.
Still, I’m not positive that it makes it happiness. What is it really? A feeling? A state of being? Something physical?
Why, with all the effort and pursuit of the secrets to happiness, is it so difficult to say what it is?
by Jonathan Frei

The Blog…A Few Introductory Notes

I’d write more about myself, but I’m really not that interested in the subject. I’m worried that will show up in my writing and bore my readers. So, rather than take that risk, I’ll stick to a wider range of subjects to deliberately exclude talking about me. What will those subjects be? That is still to be determined. But, by avoiding talking about myself, I think I’ll be able to keep things interesting and keep the audience engaged.

That’s rule one. Until I become an interesting subject, there’s no use writing about me. Maybe in the course of writing about other subjects I’ll emerge as a subject of my own. However, I’m not counting on it and neither should you.

Something else I’ve been trying to accomplish is to develop a list of rules for this blog. These are something that I’ll want my readers (or at least my wife for now) to hold me to. Breaking rules is all well and good, but unless I have have boundaries, I can’t push them, and unless I have rules, well, I just won’t get anything done. So here it goes an attempt at some rules (read ‘guidelines’) for me to follow (read ‘fail at’).

The first one has already been covered: don’t bore the readers by talking about a boring person. So don’t try to be clever and point out that the rules are numbered incorrectly. The rest follows…

Blog Rules:

2. Post my big article every week before midnight on Sunday.
Having a schedule is important to me. If this blog has any readers, I fully expect them to post mean comments calling me a lazy, good for nothing bum if the post comes out on Monday morning. With difficulty,

3. The big weekly article will be over 1,000 words.
This isn’t to show off how many words I can write, or to write for it’s own sake. But if a picture is worth a thousand, then a completed post should be as well. This will also keep me from cheating, and cutting corners by publishing an 12:55 p.m. post about what I had for lunch. Unless, that is, the composition of my sandwich revealed to me some deeper revelation into the nature of God and the meaning of the universe. I don’t think I’m shooting too high with going for a particular number. I just want to make sure that each time I put my mind to an idea that I will cover it adequately. There are many subjects that can be covered in far fewer words, but many more where 1,000 words will not even scratch the surface.

4. Each article will have a clearly defined and focused topic.
1,000 words is easy if they’re not all about the same subject. This will continue to be one of the most challenging aspects of this work. Keeping my mind on one topic for any period of time is nearly impossible.

5. Don’t be boring.
What does it take to be a witty writer? Wit, I suppose, for starters. But behind the pen or keyboard I can fake it. I may take three days to perfect a line, but when you, dear reader, pass your eyes across the page it will appear that I am quick and clever…Or you’ll see me trying to hard to be liked and accepted by the Internet.

There so many flashes of information and inputs from every corner of the web that it can be intimidating to try to join in the conversation. I worry at times that I’ll just be adding to the noise rather than contributing anything new.

That’s where you come in. From time to time I do struggle to come up with interesting topics to write about, so any feedback and suggestions will be welcome and well received. And also, if I write about thing of which you have no interest, let me know.

This blog is not for everyone. Really, everyone does not exist. There is no subject suited to the whole population of the world. I would much rather have the right people reading, than have the whole world tuning in each week.

Who is the right audience? People who can read English, for starters. It not that I have anything against other languages. I’m just not confident that Google Translate can pick up on my cultural nuances and make a clean switch between English and Belarusian. Still, that’s far to broad.

But rather than try to tell you if you should be reading this or not, I’ll leave it up to you. All I can ask is that you give it a chance. Maybe read a few posts and see if it’s right. If not, my feelings won’t be hurt. It’s a big Internet and I’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for.

Right now my wife is my only reader, so far. I haven’t even told my mom about it yet. It’s difficult enough to explain the technology and the medium, much less to let her know why I’d want to spend my time on it. I can’t say either why, exactly, I find this to be something worth spending my leisure hours with.

It’s probably not worth it–unless I can convince other bloggers that I can teach them how to make money on their blogs, and pay me for my secrets. I’m thoroughly convinced that that is the best way to make money as a blogger. The demand is certainly there.

Oops. It looks like more of this has been about me than I intended. In spite of my promises at the beginning of this post to not talk too much about myself, looking back over what I’ve written, I see I’ve still revealed some things. I guess that means I’ll have to make up one more rule. I do promise to try to be myself because, like Oscar Wilde observed, I’ll have to be myself because no one else is available.

Well, it looks like I’m getting to that 1,000 word minimum. Better to cut things off now than let things get out of control. There’s no use rambling. At least not if I want you to read again.

by Jonathan Frei

Learning to Live with the Noise

My brain is a loud place, like a high school cafeteria, a constant clamor of activity screaming for my attention. It’s not that I have so much going on in my head because when it’s just me, I can hear the echo of a pin drop.

The reason for the noise is the endless stream of information pouring in through all five channels at once. Even sitting here writing this, there’s the sound of my son playing on his blanket and squirming around on the floor like a squid and singing in in experimental shrieks. and my wife on the phone giving advice to her sister.
But noise is not just sound. There is also the visual distractions of the content hidden on every other tab in my browser and window on my desktop. My curiosity of what I might find on those pages gets the better of me every few sentences.

All of this seems inevitable, and sometime uncontrollable for a young father of a new family in a small house. However, it doesn’t need to hinder what is happening inside. Life’s volume knob is always set at ten, but between the static and the flipping of the channels, peace can still break through, and I can still follow through on this idea.
The circumstance of life don’t need to change for me to change. Instead of trying to block out the noise, hide from it, or try to shut it up, I can embrace it, let it harmonize and let the music come through.
I’m learning to let the people around me come closer. Rather than trying to ignore the noise and distractions, I’m learning to let it be part of the work itself. By embracing my surroundings instead of trying to change or avoid them, I’ll be able to do more of what I love in whatever circumstances in which I find myself.

By indulging in a few distractions as the come up, I’m able to have the mental endurance to complete my work, and to finish what I begin. I’m undertaking an enormous challenge. I don’t know how it will look in the end or how the middle will be, but by accepting the first steps and getting started the rest will take shape with time.
Patience will not be optional or simply virtuous in learning to live with the noise. It will be the axle that supports and balances the whole load.
by Jonathan Frei

The importance of symbols

Why are symbols so important in cultures around the world? It is not for what they are but for where they point. It is incredible how reliant humans are on symbols, which are deeply embedded in every aspect of civilization. 
Words are symbols–representations of ideas or things. They can show the thing without being the thing in themselves.
However, symbols without an interpreter are useless.
by Jonathan Frei