Category: Blog

‘Better’ is between where you are now and perfect

It’s easy to get down on yourself when you’re not perfect. Being less than perfect admits a shortcoming, a failure. It’s humbling.

A common cliché used to make someone feel better after a failure is to remind them that no one is perfect. However, this condolence provides little or no consolation. That’s probably because it doesn’t take a perfect person to avoid the particular screw up that’s getting you down. It only takes a better person.

It is accepted that perfection is impossible, and it is. That being the case, the proposition also needs to be acceptable. However, it can be so difficult to accept not being perfect, that we sometimes forget perfect’s younger sibling: ‘better’.

It’s okay to not be perfect. However, this cannot be cause for complacency. The premise that nobody is perfect does not justify not trying. ‘Better’ is a great alternative to perfect because it’s situated directly between where you are now and where you’d like to be.

Also, each time you take a step to be better, you’re that much closer to perfect, and there’s another ‘better’ in close proximity for you to move towards.

Small steps in the right direction are acceptable. They are not preferable to lasting radical overnight changes, but they’re a good start. Besides, for most, they are far more realistic.

Some people are are able to make drastic changes overnight, or even over the course of a year. Here I use the word ‘some’ to describe a very small minority of very special and talented or very weird and crazy individuals.

For the rest of us, the walk towards perfection will be a long one. It will take a superhuman perseverance. This will mean committing to a daily goal with clear action items to become a better person, to change bad habits, to start good ones, to develop the way you think about things, and to inspire those around you by your actions.

And if perseverance, commitment, desire, endurance, and patience are not traits that you either possess or can develop, then it will be better to look for some quick overnight fixes. Unless you’re part of that ‘some’, they won’t work, but even a quick fix is better than no fix.

by Jonathan Frei

Can a husband and father be a radical lifestyle designer?

Consciously or not, I’ve found myself drawn to a number of lifestyle design blogs over the past few weeks. They’re filled with stories about individuals actively pursuing unconventional ways of thinking and living.

Part of this desire may stem from feeling that my life is becoming to ordinary, too formulaic. I want something drastic, something radical to break up the mundane. There shouldn’t be anything ordinary about life.
However, if I’m going to jump on this lifestyle design bandwagon, I’m going to have to come at it from a very different angle. First, I have a family who I am very much in love with and committed to, so I am , to a small degree, limited in the radical lifestyle choices I can make. My lifestyle affects others, and I must always keep them in mind.

Spending time with my baby and being a good husband are the most important things to me. This involves time and support that I must provide.

Also, I work full time in a conventional setting. I’m not as adventurous as I’d like to be and do not have a strong enough desire to be an entrepreneur to strike out on my own. Actually, I still consider myself an entrepreneur, but I only have one client: the company I work with.

Despite all these factors that seem to point to the conventional life, I think I’ll still be able to participate in extreme lifestyle design during bit of time I have left over. And that may be what makes this journey and set of experiments unique.

Can I be an unconventional thinker and passionately pursue my ideal day and life while still fulfilling my duty in what is most important in my life: loving my wife and baby?

This is a difficult question to ask. As a husband and father, there are sacrifices I must make to care well for my family. However, I have ‘me’ time in the cracks, and I don’t think that I am, right now, the best possible version of my self. And this is because I am not making full use of the cracks.

So, my goal and mission will be to use that extra time to become the best possible version of myself. I know that writing this, and the fact the my wife reads it, will mean that I’ll have at least one person to hold me accountable and to be able to witness my progress.

Photo by Ben Zvan

by Jonathan Frei

Issues with unfinished business

I have a problem with unfinished business. 

I had some issues with my computer a few weeks ago. It was late but instead of letting it go, calling it a night and saving the trouble shooting until morning, I felt an uncontrollable urge to fix the problem. Nothing could distract me from my desire to fix the problem and make things right again. 

I can see how this trait could be harmful. Stubbornness can easily distract me from what may really be important. 


Could this be good?

When I have a problem, all my energies go into fixing it. This is only true when something was fine but then broke or stopped working. Sadly, this does not seem to be the case for things that are wrong, that have always, or at least for a long time have been wrong. It seems like the urge is more crisis control or a desperation to maintain the status quo.

If only I was able to harness that “I have to fix it now” energy into changing bad habits and developing new behaviors. It really could be a powerful force for good in my life.


Converting bad habits into good ones

How do you take a bad habit and focus those negative energies into something positive? I feel like I try to do this. A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about the benefits of distractions. Distractions, a bad habit and a weakness, can provide the needed brain break for me to accomplish real work. An uncontrollable fixing urge, could, I suppose, be applied to something that was broken long ago, rather than just the recent break-downs.

But the energy just isn’t there for the long cherished faults the way it is for the newly discovered broken parts. I want to learn to deal with both with the same vigor and passion, but one is by nature easier than the other. Why is it that we learn to accept our faults, just because we’ve had them for a while?


Feeling ready to take control

I do feel ready for radical changes. It’s about time for some internal ones to keep up with the break-neck speed that everything else has been subject to. I live in an ordinary time, where many things are familiar to the universal experience, but I think it is time to make a clean break from my own linear motion and take real control over my life, actions, and outcomes.

I am a man, and I have control over my life. Each day I am offered so many choices, so many opportunities to act, and act with the brain. Just writing this probably brings me a step closer. Publishing it here does provide some level of accountability. I wouldn’t want anyone to read this and six months down the road see me and realize that I still have not grown up and that I still have not taken control of my actions and choices.

I have a lot of potential, as does everyone my age. There are still years and years worth of things to learn and do. I’m starting now so that I won’t miss out on a single chance to find what I’m looking for. It’s getting late, but tomorrow will have more for me, so I can wait. 

Besides, the computer problem I mentioned at the beginning is resolved, so I’ll be able to sleep easy. The momentary crisis is averted. 

However, I’m still not sure how I can rest so well knowing about my other issues

by Jonathan Frei

Not yet a writer

I understand I have a lot of work to do to become the writer I want to be. Words and pages are not enough. Although, that would be a good start. No, thoughts and well expressed ideas are what I’m after. I am not sure that I am prepared to think like a writer. I know I don’t have the habits developed yet. One step at a time, I know. But I have in mind what I want to be: I want to be able to sit quietly and think to myself about my subject and then open up a blank document and write what I think. 


Right now, I don’t think much or write, but I am actively trying to change that. You see, I believe the world’s greatest thinkers were skilled writers, and the greatest writers were deep thinkers. It may be a chicken and egg situation, but my plan is to attack both fronts at once to make myself into what I want to be.

Parts of these first few posts are going to come across like pages from a journal, which is not what this site will become. However, I also want my writing to come across naturally, without forcing too much onto the page. And if I’m currently an immature thinker, then that will be what comes out until my mind grows up.

I’ll develop a mature voice, I’m sure, as I write more regularly and think more deeply before and during my process. Until then I’ll have to put up with the silly kid that thinks he has something to say. My hope, though, is that this site will provide that linear path of a voice maturing. 

by Jonathan Frei

Perception

Perception

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

by Jonathan Frei

Big change can be easy if the change happens over night

I want to start getting up at six. I did it this morning, but I want to do it every morning.

The conventional wisdom says that baby steps are the best. Break down your big goal into manageable action items. Forget it. Radical change has to be more like ripping off a band-aid.

However, keep it to one big change at a time, or you may go into shock.

What big change can I make overnight? Nothing. I got up early today, but I’ll start my big change again tomorrow in the morning by getting up at six.

This is the wake up time goal I’ve been setting for my self for weeks now, but I haven’t made much progress. I’ve told my self that I’ll work at 6:30 a.m. for a few weeks to get the hang of it. But I just kept resetting my alarm.

I made the excuse that I didn’t have enough time to get much done between 6:30 a.m. and the time I have to start getting ready for my day, so I chose to sleep in instead. Starting tomorrow though, this big change is happening. Not in pieces, not step by step, but all at once.

by Jonathan Frei



Kramer’s Entrance (via tylercreviston)

by Jonathan Frei